In celebration of silence, a perspired treasures worked for by others. I’m ungrateful in a ways—I’m more interested in the weather.

I’m thinking of a place that doesn’t exist, a crop formation in my head planted by the dead missing their lonely children while watching me purposefully overdose on Class C narcotics. I don’t deserve it. I carelessly pant on the oxygen they cherish just the way our breath seeks life. They watch me fucking and forgetting. Speeding by the exits, I saw beauty in not ever looking back.

Wasted choices scream their voices. I’m alive and among the dead gathered around my head expecting me to open my arms to a deity among my astral plane. They follow me in my trails waiting for me to find a meaning I’ve yearned for. They know and I know that the place I’m looking for, the open fields, the warm sensations, the real.

We are all on the wrong side of the wall. I wish you could hug your children and complete your lives while i watch alone as everything.

Well, since sunday, I have finished all the recording for a demo with Ateeth, and began mixing it myself, and its sounding damn good, if I do say so myself. I had an interview with a really great guy on tuesday, who gave me some GREAT advice and was a lot of fun to talk to, and he also gave me some more names of people to check out. Today, I nominated a mentor, set up another interview for sunday, got a final mix of We are the enemy, and started mixing the rest of the songs. Ontop of all that, I randomly decided to pick up the acoustic my dad gave me while i was waiting for some tracks to export and wrote what is definatly the best song I have ever written, by far. Tommorow is looking like its gonna be more mixing, then I have band practice friday, in preparation for our show on Saturday, which is going to be amazing. Before the show on Saturday, Im planning on going to the Mcnally Smith open house to talk to the people who teach composition, and then go to the opening of the new Capitol Guitars location. And uh, Yeah. Hoping for something/someone too. Who knows. :-P

So as most people know, I haven’t been doing well for the last few months. It’s no secret, and I don’t really wanna go into it here. I’m still not doing good, or even close at times, but I need to start picking my life back up. Last quarter I completly fell apart. I slacked at school, I stopped sleeping, I fell behind in Mentor Connection, I stopped writing songs, I did nothing. That’s gonna change this quarter. I’m gonna get back in my life, and I’m gonna do it on my own will. I’m gonna take full advantage of this amazing Honors Mentor Program I’m in, i’m gonna get more sleep, or at least stop sleeping in class. I’m gonna keep up in my new classes, and I’m not gonna drop them because they are “effort” classes. I’m gonna be nicer to everyone, and be a way better friend, cause I’m realizeing how awesome I have surrounded myself with, and they definatly deserve a good friend. I’m gonna start looking for a new girlfriend. Not saying I’m desperate, but I do really hate being single and I’d love to have someone in my life. If that doesn’t happen, then cool, but im definatly gonna try. I’m gonna start improving on guitar, I’m gonna focus more on my bands, and my own musical progress. This is sounding like a new years resolution, but I’m just taking my life at months at a time until I can handle it again. I know I can do all of this, because it will make me happy in the long run. So there. Suck it. :)

Things I am excited for-

Winter warmer, hell yeah.

Peripherys Cd to come out. DJenty Win

Finishing Demos with Ateeth.

Playing Shows with Ateeth.

and Graduating!

They kinda describe how I feel about this whole thing at this point in time. Pretty sucky ass and emo lyrics for a sucky ass and emo song, but what can you do.

Why should I fall

While you stand over

I try to push you off

But I can’t seem to lose that moment

And I don’t know why

It should seem better

But it can’t

It wasn’t supposed to end like this

Naive of me for thinking that

But I was going to try

So I put on my smile face

And hold my head up high

While my hearts still in the gutter

And a month later, my hearts more trashed

“And my smiles wearing away”

I picture you with someone else

And I break

I cannot lie

And say I just want you to be happy

Maybe I have to do this for me

I wish it had been me.

I cant deal with the fact of you existing

And my smiles wearing away.